A Monday to forever change my life.

And I can't even give you all the juicy details until September when the related documentary airs on Animal Planet. I can say it was over 9 courses of gastric exotica. I can say I went from pleasantly surprised to thoroughly amazed. I can't say exactly what I ate or show you any of the photos from the event yet. My apologies.

By contrast to what will likely forever be one of the most memorable culinary experiences of my life, I can tell you that the rest of the day was pretty fair shakes as far as breakfast goes. I skipped lunch out of general laziness, and wanting to spend my lunch time bs'ing with co-workers in another building, which makes this, sadly, a pretty easy Monday to cover, since 84% of the food for the day can't be talked about for another 3 months.

It was a burrito day, bacon and chorizo. I also threw a little sliced cubanelles in there. The meats and the peppers make such a full palate for me, I didn't even use cheese. This is a big step from my breakfast roots, where a breakfast sandwich or wrap must have eggs, bacon, ketchup and cheese in it. After a time horseradish mayo replaced the ketchup and the cheese grew from yellow American to the wonderful rainbow of cheeses at my disposal living in a major American city, but always, the cheese, even in the chana masala egg wraps. I must be growing up.

If those had been my only breakfast, I would have been pretty happy with washing it down with a Vitamin Water and a mandarin orange herbal tea from the brew machine in the back of the office. This was not to be the whole of the story, though, for fate struck in the form of a co-worker bearing gifts.

"What is this, a cookie?"
"No."
"Yeah right, it's a cookie...

...you're right. It's not a cookie"
"I know."

Just unwrapping it, I was smacked in the face with rosemary. The texture was the real "not-a-cookie" give away, though. This was a muffin top, deceptively shaped like a cookie, but with that tell-tale muffin fluffiness. Beyond the rosemary was a whole wheat muffin dough that cradled raisins, cranberries, pecans and pumpkin seeds. If I saw this on a menu, I'd pass. If I saw one at some hippy-happy coffee shop I would not be surprised, but I would not dig in either. This was a gift, though, and I couldn't just not eat it, and besides, it seemed like promising material.

Somehow, the rosemary wasn't overwhelming. The whole wheat brought enough to the table and all the other things in the mix held their own well enough that it managed to be very different without being overbearing or feeling like over-contrived health-food fare. Any other day this month it would have had a chance of being the stand out food item of the day. Sadly, here it was up against that which cannot be named, and though it was a really good muffin top, maybe the best muffin top I've ever had, it was not over 9 courses of delights I have never eaten before and likely never will.

This is going to be a long 3 months.